Misgivings and misconceptions.

I sat staring at the beautiful face of Mercy Johnson as she smiled at Kenneth Okonkwo on the screen but my ears were tuned to the conversation of the two males behind me.
      "No mind her! You come guy room to read for night, na you first go school". He laughs.
      "But, Christian come really rape her?"
      "He no rape her! Ahah! They made love!"
      "But you said she refused him, struggled till the end, and cried all the way home".
      "Guy, na wa for you o. You no know how all these girls dey behave? Na jonesing na. She want am. No be rape!"
    I was so angry, i was boiling inside. I was sure that if i opened my mouth to speak, words would not come out but fire. Yes, like a dragon! There goes another rape victim who "got what she deserved".
    This took me back to a similar conversation between two girls.
      "So, Sandra was raped! My God, i feel so sorry for her. I can't even imagine the pain......!"
      "Which pain?" She scoffs, chewing gum, noisily. "No mind her! She know say she get hips and breast wey full chest, she go dey wear tight clothes. Her skirt no dey ever pass her knee. Weti you expect?"
    Oh, but i spoke out on this one! The mere fact that it was a woman being so callous and insensitive to another pushed me past the stage where counting to ten and breathing out could help. I said to Girl no 2,
       "Where your skirt dey now?"
She couldn't answer because her skirt didn't even begin to attempt to reach her knee. I continued,
      "How many rape dem don rape you? If you don't know what to say, shut up! Make i no swear for you say dem go rape you make you know how e dey be".
    A girl is raped and her parents say, "What were you still doing outside by 6:30pm?"
    Oh, and my all time favourite, a rapist is caught and he says, "She just looked so beautiful, i had to have her".  Well, she didn't want you, and No means No!
     These scenarios just begs the question, what is it about this society that the idea of men as animals with no self control is normal? We ask female victims of rape questions like÷ What were you doing there? Why do you have to be so beautiful? Why do you have to wear so much make up? Why were you wearing this dress, skirt or shirt?
       Now, while it is true that some girls dress so indecently that you have to wonder if their parents saw them leave the house, they usually aren't the ones raped. Nooooo! Its the decent ones who fall prey.
     Rape victims are not supposed to be blamed or shamed. They are just that: victims and not perpetrators. Society should expend more energy training our males that self - control makes a man.
     Our legal system also, does not help the situation.
Society needs to be rid of the misconception that rape victims got what they deserved, and stop training our males to feel that they are entitled to get whatever they want, including women, just by being male. So many men in our society today are so uncouth and crude, Its repulsive. Let's not even talk about spousal rape. Hmhm. (Shakes head vigorously).
   Rape victims are not the guilty ones, they should not be made to feel guilty for their sexuality. And just because one advocates for zero tolerance for rape, does not mean that the person was raped. We should learn empathy and sympathy.
    Oh, and am aware that there are male victims of rape, also. My heart goes out to them too.