MY FATHER'S TEACHINGS: BLESSED TO BE

 I have always been taught to embrace the feelings that I get the privilege to feel.

And while I haven't always practiced it wholly, in recent times, I have come to understand that it is indeed a privilege to feel. After going through a period of numbness, where I could never feel or get excited, a period where I was just going through the motions of going to work, coming home and repeating the same everyday, I am grateful to be able to smile with my heart and hurt in my gut and crush on someone. It's why I make bold to write about my crush because I would rather hurt than feel nothing at all. 

This writer is female and while this is not the article I would use to go off on a tirade to expose the micro and almost intangible ways that females are oppressed into silence and pretence by society, I will say this: Women are not encouraged to embrace feelings. Even natural, biological body motions are shamed if the body belongs to a woman. Even for things that are crucial for the continuity of humanity like menstruation and childbirth, women are shamed for them. Menstruation pain and labour pains are to be downplayed to seem almost nonexistent and yet studies have shown that menstrual pain is as serious as a heart attack and that child birth is the singular most painful experience in the world. 

But I was blessed to have a father who went against the flow. My father taught me to be bold and proud. Proud of my womanhood and bold in my femininity. Proud of my experiences and bold in my choices and decisions. Proud to be, bold to encounter. Proud by being authentic, bold by refusing to cower. That last one is always a struggle and I haven't always practiced.

My father's teaching I realised in retrospect, were geared towards building a strong sense of self. I was brilliant and intelligent from birth, so all he did was build self confidence in me about myself and my being. 

Perhaps that is why I don't cower when buying menstrual pads or tampons. The times I have had to buy contraceptives, I had strolled in without a care and even asked the pharmacist at the pharmacy questions about them. A guy getting drugs made a snarky comment about my lack of shame and I turned to face him and told him that if his mother had bought condoms on the day he was conceived, she would have been able to save herself a world of pain in the form of a son. Do you think that was harsh?

Now, it's not that I think I am better than everyone else, I just really like me and I believe that I can be all I set my mind to be. I am confident in my ability to rise to the occasion even with occasional fails here and there.

I am grateful for my dad teaching me practical life skills, instilling in me the boldness to be different in a world where conformity is the easier choice and to be grateful for everything I get to experience because those individual experiences come together to make for a beautiful, colourful life.

When I take on a stressful job, I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and the opportunity to have my abilities and capacity increased. Because I will rise to the occasion.

When I am met with a truly sad experience, I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from that experience.

My father's teachings ensures that I always win even in the seemingly bad situations I find myself.

And so, I am blessed to be, blessed to feel even if what I am feeling right now is embarrassment for crushing on someone who doesn't like me.