CRUSH CHRONICLES: 2

 So my crush went out drinking without me.

And I honestly felt like a scorned woman.

I should preface this by stating that I am the definition of a late bloomer.

I started menstruating later than most, I was still flat chested in JSS3 and I didn't start dating until I was in the university.

I wonder if that's why I am having a schoolgirl crush in my thirties when I never had one before. 

I could never relate to pining after someone who does not like you. When my friends told me about the guy they saw in church and started crushing on, I could never understand it. I always say that I like people who like me.

But my current crush doesn't like me. I like him. And I like him a lot. It's true that he is my type in every way except his skin colour: I typically like men who are darker than him. 

But the crush is so massive, it's a struggle to stay afloat under the weight of it all.

And so today he went out for drinks after work without me. I called to check in on where he was since we were in a sort of race to see who got home first and he said very innocently that they pulled out of the race and stopped to have a few drinks before heading home since it's Friday. And I am so upset!

If this were a relationship, I would probably breakup with him. But it is a crush: a one sided relationship that I am in all by myself, (when nobody send me)

It's funny that I feel angry that he didn't invite me for a drink when if he had invited me, I would have turned down the invite anyway.

I admit I wanted him to invite me out for a drink to prove to me that I am wanted by the person I want.

Someone saw me today and said that having a woman like me in his life is his definition of long life and prosperity. It was a very sweet compliment.

If my crush had said that to me, I would blush all the way home, dance by myself in my room and go to sleep smiling sheepishly.

But because it was someone else, I just told him "naiyze wan!" "The line enter" and kept it moving. 

My point is, I want to be wanted by the person I want. I want to attract who I want to attract.

Intellectually, I am aware that this is stupidity. To what end, Yoma? To what end? 

However, emotionally I just want to know that my crush wants to spend time with me like I want to spend time with him. Even though simultaneously, I know that wanting that want to exist in him is wrong.

Am I weird?

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