Musings of an average girl

 Yours truly grew up in delta state. Growing up in a small town where everyone knew everyone, there were times when our parents told us that such and such festival was coming up, we shouldn’t step outside. There’s the Eni Festival. The ophia festival. The Oko festival. There’s the midaka festival. There’s the emete festival. I know their names but don’t know what they are about except the “ore emete” which is a festival that celebrates virgins, I never been out to the festival , I just know what it’s about. On festival days, we can be in our compound with our gate locked playing outside, no harm came to us. So, imagine my surprise when I heard of the Ozoro rape festival. I had always been taught that festival grounds were dangerous to young girls, I didn’t know that the danger could come into your house. Imagine men breaking to shops, hostels, houses in the name of festival. And this incident started throwing light on some things that the women around did on festival days that I di...

Yours truly is officially in her mid-thirties. It is an interesting time to say the least. While in my 20s, I read that a woman becomes more sensual and sexual in her 30s, it gets even higher in her 40s and only starts to decrease in her 50s. I started adding weight in my 30s and thought that somehow the heightened 30s had missed me. Boy, was I wrong! Delay is not denial, apparently! If you asked me about myself before now,I would describe myself as someone with ample self control. Other feelings that females my age say they struggle with, I couldn’t relate. Celibacy and abstinence wasn’t a challenge, it was a walk in the park. Now, a year of celibacy is a legit struggle! By the 12th month, the verse of bringing my flesh into submission becomes my mantra! By the 15th month, looking at the lips of a man I find remotely attractive becomes a struggle because yours truly starts imagining the same lips in areas that don’t glorify God! By the time we are reaching the 2 year mark, even the fi...

 I have always been taught to embrace the feelings that I get the privilege to feel. And while I haven't always practiced it wholly, in recent times, I have come to understand that it is indeed a privilege to feel. After going through a period of numbness, where I could never feel or get excited, a period where I was just going through the motions of going to work, coming home and repeating the same everyday, I am grateful to be able to smile with my heart and hurt in my gut and crush on someone. It's why I make bold to write about my crush because I would rather hurt than feel nothing at all.  This writer is female and while this is not the article I would use to go off on a tirade to expose the micro and almost intangible ways that females are oppressed into silence and pretence by society, I will say this: Women are not encouraged to embrace feelings. Even natural, biological body motions are shamed if the body belongs to a woman. Even for things that are crucial for the co...

 So my crush went out drinking without me. And I honestly felt like a scorned woman. I should preface this by stating that I am the definition of a late bloomer. I started menstruating later than most, I was still flat chested in JSS3 and I didn't start dating until I was in the university. I wonder if that's why I am having a schoolgirl crush in my thirties when I never had one before.  I could never relate to pining after someone who does not like you. When my friends told me about the guy they saw in church and started crushing on, I could never understand it. I always say that I like people who like me. But my current crush doesn't like me. I like him. And I like him a lot. It's true that he is my type in every way except his skin colour: I typically like men who are darker than him.  But the crush is so massive, it's a struggle to stay afloat under the weight of it all. And so today he went out for drinks after work without me. I called to check in on where he ...

By the time I realised that I had added weight, I was already 100kg in size from 82kg. It happened rapidly, quickly. After so much of trying to reason out the weight gain, I resolved in my heart to start morning runs before work. The first week was hard. I always ran less than 10 minutes and came back home even though the allocated time was 30 minutes. In the following weeks, I tried to push myself to run further. That's when I met him. At first, he was just the hunky guy who always says hi when we passed each other. His voice was smooth, his tone measured. I liked it.  Since it was so early in the morning, I couldn't make out his face but the street light helped make out the outline of his body. But as weeks turned into months, and the solstice changed, we came into a time when by 6am, the sky was already so clear, that it was day. By then, I could see his face clearly. Also, we had introduced ourselves during one of these days. He had taken to running beside me that to an onl...

Sandra always made the right decisions. She was cautious and careful, always deliberate in all she does because her dad had taught her that life is a journey. The turns you take determines how you life ultimately ends up. So, she endeavoured that every turn that she made was the right one. But there was a time when Sandra made a wrong turn and it was a very critical turn as well. She remembered the beginning of that turn very clearly. She has had days where she wishes to go back on that decision.   It was one Friday evening after work. Sandra was exhausted. Work was especially stressful that day. With the launch of a new product that was coming up in a few weeks, Sandra and her team were working overtime to make sure the adverts and promotions were being developed as planned. They were also working on sending PR packages to invitees and influencers as well as preparing for the launch event itself. In truth, Sandra was drained. All she wanted was to get home, take a quick but v...