Romance and foreplay

 There is a general consensus that the vast majority of Nigerian men are not romantic.

If you are an heterosexual woman in Nigeria, anytime the conversation about the lack of romance from Nigerian men come up, you must have had at least one instance where one man retorts by saying what about all the things that men do before penetrative sex is if not romance, (in not so many words).

And that leads us to the meat of this rambling article - the misconception of the average Nigerian man who thinks foreplay is romance and Romance is money if it means anything to them in the first place.

When a Nigerian man tells you that he was 'romancing a woman's, 9 times out of 10, he is referring to the act of foreplay.

When you mention flowers and cards and date nights, the average Nigerian man tells you that's spending money on frivolous things.

They are always so quick to tell you that the average Nigerian lady will laugh at you for giving her flowers and fault you for not giving her money instead. But when you follow up with a question on how many women they have given flowers who did that, you find out that these same men have never given a woman flowers in their lives. And as a woman living in Nigeria, these same people are your Natural partners. If I was talking to you in person, you would hear the tragedy that last line is supposed to relate.

I always say that it is the greatest tragedy when a practical mind and a romantic heart coexist in the same body especially because that is what best describes me. 

But, I like romance in everything. When I am involved with anyone, I want him to be romantic with me. In his words, his actions and everything in-between. I want his voice when he speaks to me to be softer than when he speaks to other people. I want his actions towards me to be considerate and soothing. 

And most importantly, I want a man to know that a woman's sexuality and her sensuality is connected to everything she experiences and everything around her. So, be romantic.

Open doors, pull out chairs, be kind in words and actions, look at her like she's the tastiest morsel of meat, be in tune with her, listen to her, let her feel seen and heard and cherished throughout the day and everywhere, and you will stop hearing "I have a headache" at night.

But what do I know? These are just the rambling musings of an average girl!

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