I liked his voice!

It was Friday, it was a beautiful day. I had just #400 with me, it wasn't enough to get me to where I was headed, but every time I look back to that day, it remains beautiful, like it had been specially blessed by God for me. I had borrowed #1000 from a friend to get me to where I was headed. I was to go for an interview for a position I thought was beneath me, but since I had no money to even feed, my friend told me quite bluntly that I was not really in a position to choose. I arrived the company premises, sat down for some minutes, before I was escorted to a consulting room. I entered and saw a man, light skinned, seated. He pointed me to a seat. He was the interviewer. I was nervous, no, not nervous, embarrassed to be in this position because of money. He asked questions that were necessary for an interview and others that I felt were very unnecessary. But then I thought, "ah, he's trying to get me to relax" because even a blind man could see that I wanted to be anywhere but that room. So, I obliged him with the answers. Over the course of the discussion, I relaxed enough to notice my surroundings. The interviewer wasn't bad looking at all. He had a very pleasant voice (I like it). He had a gentle smile. I hadn't noticed that before. Before the end of the interview, he had disagreed with my statement that I was a boring person. He asked for my number, stating that he would be disturbing me later. I didn't want to be rude, so I gave him the number.
I got home and found myself repeatedly checking my phone, actually looking forward to his call. The reason was innocent enough: I wanted to hear his voice again (I like it). Eventually, after waiting for 3 days, I sent him a message 'no disturbance here, just calm'. And he called. I liked it. That was the beginning of a very beneficial liaison for me, but I often wondered what was in it for him. He didn't pressure me to have sex with him,(quite the opposite, actually, I told him he was making me doubt my sexuality, I wanted to know why he was reluctant to have sex with me) he wasn't crude, uncouth or touchy feely, not even once. I wondered, then I feared. Feared that he was married. I decided to ask him.
He was out drinking one night, when he called at about 10:30pm and said he was bringing a bottle of wine when I said I was home doing nothing, and drove all the way to bring it. It was in his car as I went to collect the wine that I asked him. His reply was simple, "I am not married or seeing anyone besides you, so you don't have to be afraid. I just thought you are a very intelligent girl from your reply to the questions asked. It made me wonder why you would want to do this. That's where the interest stemmed from. You also happen to be very beautiful, so what's not to like?" He said it as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I liked his voice and I loved him. There, then and in that moment, I fell in love. But what was I to do? A young unexposed girl, driving such a distance to give me a bottle of wine? It was romantic as hell. That did it! I didn't stand a chance. The talk was just icing on the cake. Who could blame me really? Against hatred, harsh words and coercion, I could put up the defence of anger and resentment, but against such kindness, I had no defence.
Now, as a young girl in love, I wanted him to call me everyday. Remember? I like his voice. Soon that wasn't enough. I wanted to see him everyday, which was impossible. He had a job, he loved it. He tried to call a few times daily, still I nagged. I loved him so much I wanted to be all over him, like white on rice. Anything less was not acceptable. He decided to stay in my place when he wasn't at work, sometimes, he would come straight to my place from work, but still I nagged. I nagged about him looking at his phone when I was talking to him; it meant the phone was more important to him. I nagged about how he closed by 8 but he got home by 10; I wanted to know what kept him. In retrospect, I think I soffocated him and at some point, he felt emasculated. I was like a junkie and his presence and attention was my opium. He must have noticed the change in me because, he shifted from me, in degrees. First, he stopped spending time in my place. Then he said he needed space. At a point, he sat me down and said, "I really love you. But, your perpetual nagging is making me withdraw. I miss you. I want to spend time with you, enjoy your company. Please, stop nagging. Its tearing us apart". But did I stop? Mba!! Eventually, even the voice which I loved? I never heard, anymore. He stopped calling. If I had any challenge, he was quick to help, but he never called. He stopped asking how I was doing. I hated it.
The euphoria gave way to pain and suddenly, I became miserable. I had this constant dull ache in my chest. I was antsy and anxious to hear his voice (I like it). The feeling was akin to that of a drug addict suffering withdrawal. The feeling was hell. I hated it. What's worse? I knew my neediness drove him away.I had done this to myself. I had over reached. I had to call myself to order. Sometimes I would whine and demand he called me. He never did.  And I realized what I had done. He was my miracle from heaven, the answer to my prayers and my-once-in-a-lifetime-love, and I nagged him away. I hated myself. I had thought this was something I could never do, be my man's hell.
One morning, I woke up determined to end the pain in my chest. I sent him a message notifying him of our official break-up. I deleted his numbers, blocked him on Whatsapp, then decided it was overkill, and unblocked him. He must have thought I was being silly. I had wanted him to call to tell me to stop being silly, so I could hear his voice (I like it) but he didn't. And I hated myself for being so pathetic. But he must have thought I had become proud, conceited and bashful.
My journey with this angelic man with the sweet smile and calm voice had come to an end. There are things I wish I could say to him but I can't because I deleted all his contact information and unlearned his number. I wish I had told him:
" I love you".  
"I love your voice".   
"I liked and appreciated that you helped me but I love your voice".   
"I am not being bashful, I am trying to get over you".     
"You are a wonderful man and I thank God everyday that I met you".   
" I really love your voice".   
" Please don't hate me".   
" I just wanted to stop craving you like a drug".    
"I miss your voice" ( I only realized you can miss a person's voice when I met him).   
" You are loved unreservedly".    
"I cried myself to sleep for days before I finally sent the message about ending this situationship".     
"You are a wonderful man".      
Alas, I can't tell him all these, as a warri girl, I would be 'falling the entire warri nation's hand' So, I will just leave it here and call it my unrequited love.